Ugh

Day 54 - July 27
51 miles. Moab, UT to Green River, UT

Im just in a really poopy mood right now. Really stressed. I think im really starting to get overwhelmed by a couple factors. The food hasn't been too great lately. I couldnt even eat dinner tonight because the only pot of baked beans and ham made me nauseous from smelling it. Our spaces have been ridiculously cramped meaning peoples stuff is harder to keep organized. As a result my morning packing routine ive been so proud of has fallen apart, everything is just a pile, things are getting lost, and it just sucks and is so stressful. Honestly i can't overstate how much this is ruining my peace of mind. At least for me. Also this journal has been more of a hassle and chore lately, especially since all i wanna do each night is just say screw it to everything.

Most of all im just sick of my bike not working. Today the new tire i put in was rubbing against my brake caliper for some unexplainable reason and it made riding hell. I mean seriously, just give me a break.(wait i may have just cheered up for the sole sake of just having unintentionally made that pun) The wheels were okay at least. I was so pumped about degreasing tonight only to find that the group bottle had spilled and emptied. I borrowed someone's but it wasn't really enough or the right type. It still is cleaner than it was but i just wanted to kick it. All i want is to just ride my bike and have it work. Why does riding have to be hell sometimes. And why do we barely have time for maintainance.

Im just really not happy these past 3 days. Its only been at the host though. I think its just that all of these little peeves are really getting to me and i just can't take it so many days in a row wihtout some decompression. Today, while struggling to clean my bike i really did feel intense homesickness and kinda just wanted to say to hell with it all. I dono why my roll with it attitude isnt kicking in and letting me just laugh at all this. Oh well, i mean how bad are things really and what am i really complaining about. not enough room for my stuff? Don't sweat the small stuff George. Its not worth it. Just roll with it. Ugh Think positive, think positive.

Today was super short and through an actual piles of sand, no signs of life, even tiny insects, desert. We got in at 12 and took the most awesome 2 hour nap in a park that was blissful. The town is ridiculously small and kind of just odd how deserted it can be.

I dont feel like writing more now so i wont but i think this definitely helped calm me down for tonight. Keep thinking positive George. Stuff happens, all we can control is how we react to it. Actually, come to think of it, i need a goal. My new goal from here on is to minimize stress and just roll with it. I think that keeping this in mind will hopefully let me take a step back and just relax before getting all flustered. Its kind of ironic since new goals usually create stress naturally but lets see how it goes starting with a 4:30 wakeup tomorrow!